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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28756011">(Re)Learning to Breathe</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitkatt0430/pseuds/kitkatt0430'>kitkatt0430</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Flash (TV 2014)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Background Relationships, Caitlin and Iris seek each other out, Caitlin gets powers, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Grief/Mourning, Moving On, Past Ronnie Raymond/Caitlin Snow, Season 2 AU, and things just snowball from there, but no Killer Frost, just shiny ice powers, past eddie/iris, they each need someone who understands their own losses</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 04:21:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>12,028</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28756011</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitkatt0430/pseuds/kitkatt0430</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Iris seeks out Caitlin, looking for a kindred spirit after Eddie's death.  And what starts as a friendship slowly blooms into something else entirely.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Caitlin Snow/Iris West</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>(Re)Learning to Breathe</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/RenLuthor/gifts">RenLuthor</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>For RenLuthor, who requested a Caitlin/Iris story over on Tumblr.</p><p>This is a story about grief, acceptance, and falling in love all over again.</p><p>I'm not perfectly following the season 2 timeline, but this story will largely hit a lot of that season's beats.  Even if some of them are deliberately out of order.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Eddie's funeral is a quiet affair.  His parents are there and it's the first time Iris has ever met them, since they lived out of state.  They're nice, though, and take one look at the ring still on Iris' finger and tell her she's family.</p><p>Iris isn't sure she'll ever see Melinda and Erik Thawne again, but they're good people.  They give warm hugs, like their son did.  Wherever Eobard Thawne's coldness and hatred had come from, it didn't start with them.</p><p>There's no body, so they bury an empty casket - closed so that people can imagine he's there.  Iris can't imagine.  She doesn't want to think about Eddie's body when she last saw it, before the singularity took him away from her.  Eyes still open in death.  Chest too still and too bloody from the self inflicted gunshot.  A single self-destructive moment proving Eddie both a hero and victim, more fragile than she'd known, all in a single moment.</p><p>She tells herself that Harrison Wells killed him.  That whatever that man told Eddie may not have had the physical violence of the knife that killed Nora Allen, but it had led to Eddie's death all the same.  Gave too much strength to the depression Eddie had been fighting all his life, gave those shadows the opening they needed to finally win.  And sometimes, framing it this way, helps.</p><p>Not always, but sometimes.</p><p>After the funeral is done, Melinda and Erik stay for a few days.  They spend time with Iris and swap stories about Eddie's childhood for tales of his adulthood.  They were as hungry for information on the man their son became in Central City as Iris was to know everything she could about his past, as though learning about his favorite shirt when he was six and the emo phase in high school that had embarrassed him in college or how nervous he'd been to come out to his parents as bi could ever fill the infinite chasm of nothing left in the wake of his death.  The future he'd never have with her.</p><p>But eventually they leave.  The Thawnes have their lives to get on with and two other children to help them move on.  Both of Eddie's siblings were out of the country - one with the military and the other with a charity service.  Iris promises to show them around Central, to take them to Eddie, if Jake or Liz decide to visit their brother's empty grave when they return state side.  But Jake's clearly uncomfortable with the idea of an empty grave when Iris speaks to him over skype.  Liz might visit, eventually, but she's pregnant.  She and her husband - whom she met through the charity - are expecting a baby boy.</p><p>Liz says they're going to give him the middle name Edward... and Iris isn't sure she wants them to visit.  She's not sure she could look at that baby boy and not break down over her Eddie.  Her sweet Eddie.</p>
<hr/><p>Her dad tells her she needs to move on, like it's that simple.  Iris want's to ask him if it was that simple when her mom died - because of course it wasn't.  Iris remembers their shared grief.  She was so young that she doesn't remember the funeral, but she remembers how her mom was gone a long time and how sad her dad was and the look of pain on his face when he finally sat down with her to explain why mommy was never coming home again.</p><p>He probably has a point about moving out of the apartment, though.  It's was originally leased under just Eddie's name, though they had it updated to include her shortly after she moved in with him.  But the place was too full of Eddie's presence.  She cries too easily and often sleeps in her old room at her dad's house these days.  But she doesn't want to move back home.  That feels like stepping backwards.  Staying in the apartment would be stagnating.  She needs to move forward.</p><p>Iris opens an apartment listing site and starts to search.</p>
<hr/><p>At work things are strange.  She'd written one of the most popular articles on the singularity before taking her bereavement leave from work.  It was even close to the truth.</p><p>The official story was that someone broke into STAR Labs and reactivated the accelerator, but the damage caused by the previous activation had never been fixed since the experiment was never intended to be retried.  The faulty machinery was deactivated by the remaining employees of the building, but not before the singularity was created, killing the intruder, Dr. Wells, and the police officer who'd attempted to apprehend the intruder - Detective Eddie Thawne.  The singularity had shifted over the city as it grew, decimating parts of Central City before the actions of the Flash caused the singularity's growth to pause long enough for FIRESTORM - previously known as the man on fire - to fly into the eye of the singularity and output enough energy to force the singularity closed.  The Flash survived, FIRESTORM did not.</p><p>The whole city was in mourning for FIRESTORM.</p><p>Other journalists have taken things further, identifying Ronnie Raymond as FIRESTORM, the hero of Central City not once but twice over.  From one of STAR Labs former employees they get the story of Ronnie's sacrifice the night of the accelerator.  From Freespace volunteers and the homeless they get the story of a man whose powers saved him from certain death, but caused him to suffer from a debilitating mental illness as their price.  It's not the slant on the story that Iris would've given it because she can see the inspiration porn people are already turning his story into.  Still, there are flowers all over the front steps of STAR Labs these days.  Ronnie's picture propped up in the middle of the impromptu memorial.  Letters left behind addressed to a dead hero, thanking him for saving the city.</p><p>Iris can't help but wonder what Caitlin thinks of it all.  They haven't really talked much since the funeral - Eddie's grave was as empty as Ronnie's and Iris had been grateful for Caitlin's presence that day.  Someone else who knew what it was like to bury the man she should have spent her whole life with. </p><p>Caitlin works at Mercury Labs now while Cisco does contract work for the city, overseeing the updating of the precincts and local jails to handle meta human powers.  Iris hasn't seen much of either of them, though she'd never been close to them.  They were Barry's friends, not her's.  And on some level, Iris had felt like it would be intruding to make them her friends too.  Like she'd be crossing a line with Barry that she didn't want to cross.</p><p>But things are different now.  And Iris finds her thoughts turning towards Caitlin more and more these days.  </p><p>When Linda apologizes for flirting with a cute guy in front of her, when her father gives her disappointed looks for moving into a studio apartment instead of going home, when Barry can't even meet her eyes because he feels so guilty about Eddie...</p><p>Iris wishes there was someone in her life who understood her feelings and, without fail, her thoughts would turn towards Caitlin Snow.</p>
<hr/><p>"Hi Caitlin, it's Iris.  I was wondering if you were interested in meeting up after work one evening?  Give me a call back if it is and we can set something up."  Iris left her number after that, before the voicemail cut off.</p><p>Caitlin tilted her head to the side in consideration and then saved the message, checking her phone's call logs.  She saved Iris' phone number from there into her contacts.</p><p>She'd thrown herself into her work at Mercury Labs, but her heart wasn't in the work.  Her coworkers found her polite, but cold.  Distant.  It was a familiar complaint; it was the way she'd been described before... before Ronnie warmed up her life.  Losing him the first time had shut her down, but Cisco's friendship - and eventually Barry's too - had brought her back to life in some ways.</p><p>But since leaving STAR Labs, Caitlin had been pushing Cisco away.  She didn't have to worry about pushing Barry away, though.  She was still his doctor, but he felt so guilty about Ronnie's death that he was pushing everyone else away too.</p><p>If no one got close, then no one else could get hurt... and they couldn't hurt her either.</p><p>But the truth was that Caitlin was lonely.  And if anyone else was going to understand how she felt, it was Iris West.</p><p>So she tapped her phone against her counter top.  It was only six-thirty... what were the odds Iris had dinner yet?  </p><p>Unlocking her phone again, since the screen had gone dark, Caitlin tapped the call icon beside the new contact in her phone.  It only rang twice before Iris answered with a crisp, "hello?  Caitlin?"</p><p>"Hi Iris.  I just got home from work, but... dinner with a friend sounds wonderful.  Are you free right now?"</p><p>There was a smile in Iris' voice as she said yes and Caitlin texted her apartment's address to the other woman.  "Do we want to go ahead and decide on dinner now or figure it out when I get there?"</p><p>"I'm not all that hungry yet, so lets just decide when you arrive," Caitlin said, feeling a little lighter already.</p><p>"See you soon, then," Iris promised, before they ended the call.</p>
<hr/><p>There's a story on the evening news about the ongoing memorial to Ronnie at STAR Labs and the Mayor's decision to present the key to the city to the Flash in a month.  </p><p>Caitlin wonders if Barry will actually show up to accept the honor.  He's wearing himself thin trying to rebuild the city and as his doctor and his semi-estranged friend, she's worried about him.  Somehow, she doesn't think being offered the key to the city is going to be all that great for his mental health.</p><p>She pours herself a glass of wine and then sets out a second glass in case Iris is interested in one herself.  The Ronnie Raymond they talk about on the news doesn't really sound much like the Ronnie she knew.  She's of two minds about whether that's a good thing or not.  There are things about him that she never wants to share.  But if people are going to be honoring Ronnie, then they should be honoring the man he was and not this... media caricature. </p><p>A light knocking at the door signals Iris' arrival and while Caitlin doesn't generally consider herself a hugger, she gratefully returns Iris' embrace.  "It's good to see you," Caitlin tells her.</p><p>"You too," Iris replies with smile - not as bright as Caitlin remembered it could, but understandably so.  "How are you?"</p><p>"Good days and bad days," Caitlin admitted.  "Wine?"</p><p>"Yes, thanks."  Iris followed her into the kitchen.</p><p>"It's... harder, the second time around, I think.  Especially with all the media attention on him this time.  I'm glad what he did for this city is being recognized, but the man they talk about on tv doesn't sound much like Ronnie at all."  She sighed softly and shook her head as she poured the second glass of wine.  "What about you?"</p><p>"I'm back at work, but everyone's walking on eggshells around me.  And, well, I'm sure you've seen Barry.  He's so mired in guilt I'm worried it's going to take heavy machinery to dig him out."  They exchanged amused looks.  Iris tasted the wine and then smiled, "this is good.  I should get a picture of the label."</p><p>Caitlin turned the bottle towards her as Iris did just that with her phone.  "They're a pretty cheap brand and most of their wines taste it, but the semi sweet red is one of my favorite grocery wines," Caitlin told her.</p><p>Iris swirled the wine in her glass and then said, "my dad keeps telling me to move on, but I'm not he even knows what I'm supposed to be moving on from.  I'm picking my life back up, going to work, finding a new apartment, not crying every time I'm reminded he's not there anymore..."</p><p>"Do things on your own schedule," Caitlin advised.  "No one should be allowed to make you move faster than you're comfortable with, not even Joe."</p><p>"Thanks," Iris said, seeming to unwind a little.  "I saw a little Chinese place across the street as I was pulling in.  Gave me a bit of hankering for egg drop soup and szechuan pork."</p><p>Turning to fish around in one of her kitchen drawers, Caitlin told her, "I think I've got the take out menu for that place.  Let's see..."</p>
<hr/><p>Dinner becomes a fairly regular thing after that first evening.  Both are usually too busy to meet for lunch, but, barring a Flash related medical emergency or an investigation that ran long, dinner they could do fairly reliably.  And somehow they both felt more comfortable talking about their lives, and their losses, with each other than with anyone else.</p><p>And, somehow, Caitlin felt her barriers begin to come back down.  She started spending time with Cisco again, much to his clear relief.  She dragged Barry out shopping with her one weekend and bought a plushie in the shape of the Flash symbol for Cisco, to Barry's startled amusement.  She went with Iris and Linda Park for a mani-pedi and had fun getting to know the sports journalist.</p><p>Life moved on.  It always moved on.  But a part of her would always be Ronnie's girl, Caitlin supposed.  Still... the closer the day came for the key to the city to be given to the Flash, the more Caitlin wished the Ronnie Raymond in the news was the man she'd known, not the untouchable hero written about in the papers and talked about on the six o'clock news.</p><p>So, with just days before the event, Caitlin finally asked, "Iris, would you write a story about Ronnie?  The Ronnie I knew.  I just... I want there to be at least one person out there telling his story as I knew him.  And you're the only journalist I'd be comfortable talking about him with."</p><p>"I'd love to," Iris assured her.  "Mind if I record our conversation on my phone?"</p><p>Caitlin smiled, filled with relief.  "Not at all."</p>
<hr/><p>On the morning of Flash Day, while all the other reporters printed stories about their city's red clad hero, Iris West's name was on the byline of a story titled "Ronnie Raymond, the Man Behind the Hero".</p><p>Taking up a full two page spread, Iris' interview with Caitlin took up the bulk of the article, but it also included some background on Ronnie's family - only child, both parents deceased when Ronnie was only seventeen - and documented evidence of General Eiling's unlawful attack on Ronnie and Caitlin at Jitters, which was one of many instances of the General stepping out of line that led to his dishonorable discharge and incarceration at Leavenworth earlier that month.  They were still keeping the Steins out of it to protect Martin from anyone else who might seek to use FIRESTORM, but there was so much that Iris could write about that focused just on Ronnie Raymond.  </p><p>The most requoted section of the article, as twitter and other social media sites started reblogging the piece, was where Caitlin talked about their wedding.  "We knew it wouldn't be a legally binding ceremony since, officially, Ronnie was still legally considered dead.  But we were so tired of waiting.  We already our friends all there, one of whom had even performed a wedding ceremony before, so we just decided to go for it.  Once we could safely have Ronnie's legal status cleared up, we planned to immediately go have a civil service and head off on our honeymoon.  But then the singularity happened and later never came.  I'm so glad we decided not to wait anymore.  That I can still have the memories, and the photographs, of the two of us standing together, promising to live our lives together... no matter how short of a time we had afterwards."</p><p>It is, overall, some of Iris' best work.  She wonders what Mason Bridge would have thought of it.</p>
<hr/><p>After the attack on Flash Day, Team Flash comes back together.  Plus newbie Jay Garrick, who gives Iris bad vibes.  He seems nice enough, but she's met enough 'nice guys' who thought they were entitled to whatever they wanted.  She makes Barry promise to stay on his guard.  Caitlin too.  Iris doesn't like the way Jay looks at her.</p><p>Thankfully, Jay's off doing his own thing most of the time.  He can't use his speed anymore and while he's a good source of information on any other Earth-2 metas that might show up, he seems more interested in building a life of his own on their Earth.  Which, thankfully, means he's out of the way when the next big crisis hits.</p><p>Martin Stein is destabilizing.  Without Ronnie to help keep the FIRESTORM matrix in check, Martin had begun to exhibit signs that he was cycling up towards an explosion.  They needed someone else to form the second half of FIRESTORM again.</p><p>And Caitlin needed someone to help her keep an even keel as a result.  That person was Iris.</p><p>"I know you're busy with work," Caitlin said, sounding frazzled over the phone.  Iris was already gathering up her purse and things, ready to head out.  "But I need to keep my head on straight so that I can help recruit the right person for this.  So that this doesn't become about replacing Ronnie instead of helping Martin."</p><p>She needed someone who'd give her a reality check if necessary.  Iris could do that.  "Don't worry, Cait," she promised.  "I'll be right there."</p>
<hr/><p>"Remember what you told me?" Iris asked as Caitlin fumed in the wake of Jax's refusal.  "You wanted a husband, not a hero.  That's why you wanted me to write the story about Ronnie.  The person, not the hero.  He didn't step into the pipeline to save the city; he did it to save you.  It's the same reason he risked himself to dissipate the singularity."</p><p>Caitlin deflated, scrubbing a hand across her face.</p><p>"Scientists always seem to have to be the smartest person in the room," Iris continued.  "Stein needs someone who'll balance him out.  A selflessness to act as a counterpoint to his ego.  That's not going to be Hewitt.  He's got more ego than Professor Stein, not less."</p><p>"Jax is our best hope and I just blew it, didn't I?" Caitlin asked, voice small.</p><p>"I think there's still a chance, but you've got to be willing to admit to him that you were wrong.  Don't ask him to be a hero, Cait.  That's too much to ask of anyone.  But saving one person... sometimes saving one person can save a whole city," Iris told her.  </p><p>After all, Ronnie had proven that twice over.  And, seeing the determined expression on Caitlin's face, Iris could understand why he'd loved her so much.</p>
<hr/><p>When it's all said and done, Iris gets the by line to a story proclaiming "A New Firestorm" with the sub title "Ronnie Raymond's legacy continues".  </p><p>"We may not know the identity of the young man who fought at the Flash's side this night, but his pyro-kinesis bears more than resemblance to the late Ronald Raymond's powers.  While blurry photographs confirm that this isn't Mr. Raymond returned from the dead once more, it does confirm that his legacy of heroism lives on."</p><p>She likes the way Caitlin's mouth curves into a smile as she reads the article before Iris sends it off to her editor.</p>
<hr/><p>They're playing laser tag - girls against boys and no powers allowed since they got roped in with a birthday party by the game moderators.  The kids are in charge, having a blast bossing the adults around, and Caitlin is starting to realize that Iris has a competitive streak a mile wide.</p><p>This particular laser tag facility is set up capture the flag style.  Each team has a base with an upper level where the team's 'flag' is located.  It's not really a flag - it's a box with a colored target on each side - but it fills to role.  There's a time limit to the game and each team has two objectives.  The first objective is to 'kill' the enemy the most number of times.  The second objective is to shoot the enemy's flag the most number of times.  But each laser gun had an artificially limited number of shots available before you had to return to base to re-fill.  And if you were 'killed' then you had to return to base to be 'respawned'. </p><p>It was actually a pretty fun setup.  And Iris had immediately figured out an infinite ammo loop-hole that had endeared her to the birthday girl.  From the upper level of the team's base, there's what is pretty much the perfect sniper's nest.  Iris was the best shot on the team, so she took up residence there.  Being on the base, ever shot she took was instantly refilled.  If she died, it'd still take a few seconds before she could start shooting again, but otherwise... she had free reign of the battle field.  Though Iris took it easy on the kids, Cisco and Barry she had no mercy for, sniping them down as Caitlin and a few of the kids made a run on the enemy base.</p><p>Caitlin provided cover for the kids going in, preferring to let them have the fun of actually shooting the boys' flag.  But she couldn't resist using her last shot on Cisco right as he finished 'respawning'. </p><p>As the lights on his vest went out again with a fizzling noise, Cisco called out, "aww, man, Caitlin!  How could you?  That's so cold!  Barry, avenge me!"  </p><p>She just laughed and waved as Barry shot her and proclaimed he'd avenged Cisco's honor.</p><p>Afterwards, as they settled down to bowl, Iris slung an arm around Caitlin's shoulders.  "We should team up more often," Iris told her.  "We're good together."</p><p>Her words send through Caitlin a much needed warmth and she found herself leaning into Iris' touch.  "Bowling competition?"</p><p>"We can totally out bowl you two ladies," Cisco said with a smirk.</p><p>"Well you certainly couldn't out-laser tag us," Iris shot back playfully.</p><p>Barry leveled a very serious look at them.  "Those are fighting words.  This means war."</p><p>"Bring it," Caitlin taunted.</p><p>Seating himself at the lane controls, Cisco retorted, "oh it's brought.  You two are going to be thoroughly trashed.  I'm a bowling pro."</p><p>("Bowling pro?" Barry muttered, giving Cisco a betrayed look as yet another ball went into the gutter.</p><p>"Wii Bowling makes it look so easy," Cisco replied in dismay.</p><p>Caitlin exchanged an amused look with Iris.  Looked like they had the bowling competition in the bag too.)</p>
<hr/><p>The stakes go up so gradually that no one really registers how much a threat Zoom might be until Jay storms out on them.  The metas up until now have been, arguably, small time.  Easy for Barry to handle; even Dr. Light blinding Barry ultimately doesn't slow him down.  He even manages his date with Patty easily enough.</p><p>The threat posed by Vandal Savage seemed so much worse in comparison and they'd handled him.  With a little time travel thrown in, but still.  The point stood.  Zoom just... didn't seem like the worst thing.</p><p>Until Caitlin had her friend's back beneath her surgical tools as she did her best to drain the swelling around what might very well be a broken spinal column.  He wont be able to walk when he wakes up, much less run.  He might never be able to run again, unless the speed force provides miracles again when the poison meant for Zoom wears off.</p><p>It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt.  </p><p>They should've listened to Jay.  They should've...</p><p>She breaks down crying in the women's locker room later, sobbing into the water of the shower as it slowly turns from hot to cold.  Its freezing by the time she finally shuts the water off, but Caitlin can barely feel it as she steps out, wrapped in her towel.  It takes her a moment to realize Iris is waiting there with clean clothes and a hug.  And while Caitlin dimly thinks she should be consoling Iris instead of the other way around, she let's the other woman help her into clean underwear and soft STAR Labs sweats and then takes her to lay down on one of the break room couches where, exhausted, Caitlin fell asleep with her head on Iris' lap, fingers carding absently through her hair.</p>
<hr/><p>Iris waits until Caitlin's asleep before pulling out her tablet to finish her first hand account of the attack on the Flash at the CCPN.  She's exhausted, but she has to do this.  Zoom wanted to take away their hope by showing the city that Barry's not invincible.  Iris isn't going to let him win.</p><p>"Dream a good dream for me," she murmured softly to Caitlin and then began tapping at the screen.</p><p>It took Iris what felt like hours to finally finish, typing with one-handed tapping on the screen.  But it's worth the sense of accomplishment it brings as she forwards the article to her editor.  The final words of the article read, "I stand with the Flash.  And I hope all of Central City will stand with him too."</p>
<hr/><p>Across the city, red bands with lightning bolts sell out.  Hair ties, wristbands, bracelets, you name it.  If it was Flash themed and visible when worn, everyone wanted to wear one. </p><p>Every day that Barry spent in recovery, more people could be seen going about their day with the Flash's symbol on their person.  It was awe inspiring.  Iris couldn't have ever imagined her words would have this effect.  It was the power of a persuasive writer, taken to an unexpected extreme.  Or maybe it would've happened anyway, for certainly the city's love for their hero had always been great.</p><p>But the point was that in a show of solidarity that Zoom couldn't have ever imagined, never mind predicted, Central City spoke with one voice.  "We stand with the Flash."</p>
<hr/><p>"Hey Iris," Caitlin said when the other woman picked up.  "Barry walked the whole circuit on his own today.  We were going to celebrate with some pizza and bread sticks at the lab.  You should head over after work to join us."</p><p>"S-sure."  Iris' voice sounded... off.  Like she'd been crying.</p><p>"Iris, what's wrong?"  Caitlin was instantly on alert.  "Do you need me to come to you?"  Not that she could do anything if Zoom or a meta had come after her, but... maybe if Caitlin borrowed Harry's gun...</p><p>"No."  Iris' took a shaky breath.  "I just... my dad lied to me.  About my mother.  She's... she's not dead.  She's alive.  And she wants to meet me.  She walked out on us so thoroughly that Dad thought it was kinder to tell me she was dead and now she just... wants to walk back through that door?  I don't... I don't want her.  I want the mother I thought I had yesterday.  At least she'd have loved me enough to stay..." Iris' voice cracked.</p><p>Caitlin made up her mind.  "Where are you, Iris?  I'm going to come get you, alright?  You shouldn't be driving like this.  And you shouldn't be alone."  Once she has the address - it's just Joe's house - Caitlin promises to be there soon before heading straight for her car.</p>
<hr/><p>Iris falls into Caitlin's arms, crying as though her heart's been broken.  And it has been.  Broken by a mother who should've been there and never was and the well meaning father who'd sought to protect his daughter from this very pain.</p><p>Holding Iris as close as she can manage, Caitlin wishes she had the power to protect Iris from everything that might hurt her.  But all she can offer is the balm of her friendship.</p>
<hr/><p>After picking at her pizza, Iris falls asleep leaning heavily against Caitlin's shoulder.  She'd tried to be happy for Barry's progress, but it was hard in the face of the revelation about her mother.  </p><p>Carefully, Caitlin moved Iris to a much more comfortable position, laying down on the break room couch with her head on Caitlin's lap.  A fair turnabout from how things had been a week earlier.  She looked up to see Barry watching them, an odd, sad look on his face.</p><p>She told herself that he was just concerned over the impact the truth about Francine West was having on Iris.  But there was something resigned about his expression that Caitlin couldn't quite place.</p><p>"I'm going to go sleep in recovery room," Barry eventually announced, hugging first Cisco and then Caitlin good night.  But he says quietly, for only Caitlin to hear as he awkwardly shifts his crutches to lean down to embrace her, "take good care of her.  She's the strongest person I know, but she shouldn't have to feel like she's always got to be."</p><p>It makes Caitlin wonder.</p>
<hr/><p>"I'm going to break up with Patty," Barry admitted, finally back home and curled up on the couch like he belonged.  Blanket tucked around him as he curled his hands around a cup of hot tea.</p><p>"What?  Why?"  Iris settled down on the couch with him, her own cup of tea warming her fingers from the cold December air she'd come inside from.  "I thought things were going well with her?"  She tries not to think too hard on why her dad is approving of Barry dating his partner is so easily approved when the same situation last year... well, Iris would get infuriated by the hypocrisy and she's got bigger problems to concern herself with.  </p><p>Like figuring out why Francine picked now of all times to pop back up into their lives.</p><p>"We had a really good time on our date," Barry agreed quietly.  "But I just don't... I don't know that I'd feel comfortable telling her I'm the Flash.  And if I'm going to date someone, then I can't just hide this huge part of who I am from them.  I'd be constantly lying to her and even if I were in a good headspace for dealing with that kind of extra stress... it wouldn't be right.  It wouldn't be fair to Patty."</p><p>Iris nodded slowly.  "I'd say one of the most important lessons we learned over the last year was that secrets are bad.  So not wanting to keep secrets from your girlfriend is definitely a good thing to recognize.  And if you don't feel comfortable telling her you're the Flash, then I guess that really is that.  I just... you're not..."  She hesitated.  This was probably a rude thing to ask, but... it needed to be asked.  "This isn't because of your feelings for me, is it?"  She nearly has to bite her tongue from babbling on past that point.</p><p>Iris loves Barry.  She'll always love Barry.  Just... not the way he loves her.</p><p>"No.  It's not about you, Iris.  I promise."  Barry sipped his tea and then added, "though just to put this out there, but when I kissed you... technically you kissed me first.  In a different timeline."</p><p>"What?" Iris asked flatly.</p><p>He shrugged.  "I don't really know why you did it.  But Mark Mardon had created a hurricane over the lake that was going to wipe out most of the city and I had just revealed to you I was the Flash... and you kissed me.  In retrospect, it probably didn't mean what I thought it did even in that timeline.  But I accidentally reset the day and was going on fumes and just... nearly screwed up our friendship because I wanted what happened in that timeline to still be real so badly...  I'm not try to excuse what happened.  Just... I dunno, provide context?  It was a weird situation and I don't want you to be worried that I'll screw up like that again.  Because I won't."</p><p>She'd kissed him.  It was just bizarre to consider.  He's so much like a brother to her that she can't really conceptualize the idea, and that's even after he'd kissed her.</p><p>So Iris just sighed and nodded.  "Good."</p><p>"Also, when you finally make a move on Caitlin, you've a-hundred-percent got my support."</p><p>Eyes wide, Iris squeaked, "what?"</p><p>"Unlike Joe, I never thought that you coming out as pan in college was a phase.  And I have seen the way you two look at each other."  He smiles at her, soft and wistful.  "It's good to see you looking at someone that way again."</p><p>"I... I can't, I..." Iris voice seized up.  "Eddie," she finally said, guilt rising up to gnaw at her insides.</p><p>"Eddie would want you to fall in love again.  To find someone you want to spend your whole life with.  Who makes you at least as happy as he did.  If Caitlin's that person... well, when you're ready to find that out, like I said.  A hundred percent support."</p><p>How could she move on, though?  How could she let go of Eddie enough to...</p><p>The memory of Caitlin's arms around her, though... she'd wanted nothing more than to linger in Caitlin's embrace.</p><p>And Eddie... he would have wanted Iris to find happiness again.  He'd loved her, after all.  Had their positions been reverse, Iris would've wanted Eddie to find love again too.</p><p>Then something else comes to her attention.  "Wait.  What do you mean about dad thinking me being pan was a phase?"  Her eyes narrow.  "Just because I mostly date guys doesn't mean I'm not pan."</p><p>"Yeah, I uh... I may have attempted to broach the idea that I might be bi and chickened out when attempting to segue in from the talking point of 'remember how Iris is pan' didn't go as planned."</p><p>"You're bi?"  Iris perked up and let her father's idiocy fall to the wayside for the moment.</p><p>"Maybe?  I'm... not sure.  There's this guy I... he's hot.  And I'm noticing he's hot, like, more and more often.  So... maybe."  Barry shook his head.  "I keep going in circles in my head because I've never felt like this about a guy before, but it doesn't feel exactly like being attracted to women so I don't know how to quantify what kind of attraction I'm even experiencing.  And if I want to figure that out then I really ought to break up with Patty first.  Anyway, I'd really rather talk about whether or not I'm right about you and Caitlin."</p><p>Iris stuck her tongue out at him.  "Too bad.  I don't get a name of Mr. Mystery, you don't get confirmation or denial of any swoopy feelings on my part for Caitlin."</p><p>"Impasse," Barry sighed.  "Let's just watch a movie."</p>
<hr/><p>"Dad," Iris said sweetly.  She smirked as he tensed.  "Remember how I came out to you in college and you were really cool about it?"</p><p>"Yes...?"</p><p>"What is this I hear about you thinking my sexuality was a phase?  Because if you're stupid enough to think that my relationship and engagement to Eddie somehow made me straight, then we've got problems."  There was panic on Joe West's face now and Iris knew there was going to be a lot of shouting, mostly hers, for the next hour.  </p><p>But if her dad is who she's always thought he was, well, he'll apologize and learn better and be groveling for a very long time.  Eventually they'll be okay.</p>
<hr/><p>Christmas is nice, despite the visit from Leonard Snart and a bomb threat from the Trickster and the Weather Wizard.  Caitlin gets a little tipsy on the West Family's secret eggnog recipe and politely turns down Jay when he flirts with her.  </p><p>She can't keep her eyes off of Iris.  She's gorgeous, sitting next to Caitlin, their knees brushing as they chatter away...</p><p>Caitlin feels light.  Lighter than she has in a very long time.  And it occurs to her, sitting beside Iris West, why it is Barry said what he did all those days ago.  </p><p>She thinks Ronnie would approve.  She just... she just hopes this isn't going to hurt her friendship with Barry somewhere down the line.  She hopes it won't hurt her friendship with Iris, if her feelings aren't returned.</p><p>(She doesn't notice the calculating eyes watching her.  But someone else does.)</p>
<hr/><p>Iris stares at the facebook page in wonder.  Because she can see in him her father's eyes.  Their grandpa's nose.  The same cheekbones as grandma.  The same smile on Iris' own face.</p><p>Wally West.  Fancine West's son, running an online fundraiser to pay for his mother's medical bills.  At last, Iris has her answer.</p><p>Francine didn't come back for her long estranged husband or the daughter she left behind.  She came back because she's dying and she doesn't want the son she actually loved to be left alone when she's gone.</p><p>Resentment rises like bile in Iris stomach and she has to close the computer.  She has to leave her apartment and go for a walk, then a run, wishing she was like Barry and could feel the lightning crackling in her veins.  Wishing she could outrun the anger that curls in her now over being the unwanted daughter.  Anger on her idiot father's behalf too, because he was a good father.  He was such a good father.  He loved Iris and Barry so much and had raised them each so well.  He'd been a good husband too, trying to help Francine get well.  And she'd abandoned them both for drugs, taking away the brother that should have been Iris' and the son that should've been Joe's with her.</p><p>Iris can never forgive that.  Never.</p><p>She's breathless when she comes to a stop in a icy park she doesn't immediately recognize.  But there's a bench nearby she can collapse on and she has her phone, keys, and wallet on her despite leaving the purse itself in her apartment.  But without the physical exertion she's getting cold and she doesn't want to walk - or run - all the way back home.</p><p>In fact, she's not sure she wants to go home at all.  But where does Iris West go when she's upset and grieving the what if's and could have beens in her life?</p><p>Opening up her uber app, Iris set her destination as Caitlin's apartment and her pickup location as the park she now sat shivering in.</p>
<hr/><p>Iris falls into Caitlin's arms the moment the door opens.</p><p>"You're freezing," Caitlin muttered, rubbing Iris' arms shoulders and drawing her inside the warm apartment.  "Lucky I've got an electric fireplace under the tv.  Let's get you a blanket and some cocoa and some ambience and then you can tell me what's wrong, okay?"</p><p>It's just so nice to be taken care of.  So Iris lets Caitlin wrap her up and give her the warm drink and settle her beside the fireplace.  And then, haltingly at first, Iris tells Caitlin about Francine and Wally West and the life they had without even a care for Iris and Joe.</p><p>"I shouldn't hate her," Iris sniffles.  "But I do."</p><p>"Sometimes," Caitlin said quietly, "I want to hate my mother.  She's... I remember we used to be close, before my father died.  He was suffering from ALS and, well... there's a possibility I've inherited the disease.  There's a genetic component so I have basically a 50-50 chance of developing ALS myself, but I won't know for sure unless I start displaying symptoms.  Those aren't likely to show up before my forties, so... all I can really do is just keep living my life the best I can.  But that's... I'm kind of digressing there.</p><p>"After dad died, mother closed down.  She froze everyone out.  She froze me out.  I never even told her about Ronnie.  I didn't invite her to the wedding, before the accelerator..." she went distant for a moment.  "She was right there, all those years, but she might as well have been a million miles away.  There were a few times I even wondered if the only reason she didn't abandon me entirely is because being arrested for child endangerment would've made continuing her work as a scientist inconvenient."</p><p>"Oh, Caitlin," Iris breathed softly.</p><p>"So there are... there are definitely times I hate her.  And it's okay to be angry, to even hate your mother for how she treated you.  It's when those feelings for her start affecting how you feel about others that it can potentially be a problem."  Caitlin ducked her head.  "I took advantage of free counseling in college.  It helped with putting what happened with my mother in perspective.  Helped me grow past it."</p><p>Iris can't help but think about the once avoidable death that's stalking her mother's foot steps and the specter of ALS hanging over her friend's head.  She reached over and took Caitlin's hand in hers, squeezing tightly.</p><p>"Are you going to meet your brother?"</p><p>"Yeah.  I am.  I'm going to have to talk to Francine again to set it up, but hopefully I can convince her not to be there.  And I haven't... I haven't even told Dad yet.  I haven't told anyone except for you."  Iris set aside her cocoa and tucked herself up against Caitlin's side.  The other woman wrapped her arms around Iris automatically, making her feel safe and warm.</p><p>Cared for.</p><p>"I think this calls for a girls night," Caitlin said.  "Wine and Chinese delivery and comfort movies on netflix.  If you want to stay the night, I can drop you off at your place on my way in to work in the morning," she offered.</p><p>That cared for feeling got that much stronger, a sort of... swoopy feeling in her chest.  Iris smiled and nodded.  "That sounds perfect." </p>
<hr/><p>Because Caitlin does not have a guest room or furniture that turns into a guest bed, Iris winds up sleeping in Caitlin's bed that night.  (Well, there was an inflatable mattress, but the air pump was busted.  Caitlin kept forgetting to replace it.)</p><p>The bed itself is comfortable, though not quite as comfy as Iris' mattress.  But Caitlin's penchant for gravitating to the nearest warm body in the middle of the night more than makes up for that.  And Iris falls asleep with Caitlin's soft breath against the hollow of her neck.</p><p>She wakes to the sight of Caitlin's hair a mess, splayed across the pillows.  Light streaking across her face from the gaps in the blinds.  And Iris wonders what it would be like to wake up the sleeping beauty with a kiss.</p><p>Caitlin stirs and wakes as her alarm goes off and she smiles sleepily, gazing at Iris in clear delight.  "Good morning," she greeted, the sound of Hozier singing from a tinny speaker behind her.</p><p>"Good morning," Iris replied, reaching out impulsively to tuck a lock of hair behind Caitlin's ear.</p><p>"How is it fair you're still so pretty in the morning," Caitlin muttered, quite likely not having intended to say that out loud.  Someone needed her morning coffee.</p><p>Iris grinned and, impulsively, booped Caitlin on the nose.  "I sleep like a log, to be honest.  Once I'm asleep, I just don't move at all."</p><p>Caitlin scrunched up her nose and made a grumbly noise.  "I move all night.  Makes my hair a tangled mess."</p><p>"You look lovely," Iris countered.  "Adorable," she amended when Caitlin grumbled.  "Coffee?"</p><p>"Please?"</p><p>Laughing at Caitlin's hopeful, wide-eyed look, Iris couldn't help herself.  She pressed a kiss to Caitlin's forehead and then got out of bed.  "I'll go start your coffee pot.  But you probably don't want me cooking, unless you like your toast to be the consistency of charcoal.  Toasters don't like me."  She glances back at Caitlin to see her sitting up now, watching Iris with a fond expression that made Iris' heart race.</p>
<hr/><p>Caitlin collapsed dramatically onto the only free chair in Cisco's lab, getting curious looks from both Cisco and Harry.</p><p>"Something up, Caitlin?" Cisco asked.</p><p>"How upset do you think Barry would be if I asked Iris on a date?" Caitlin asked.</p><p>"I don't need to be here for this conversation," Harry decided, walking out and muttering something about it being like hearing about his daughter's dating life.</p><p>They watched the doorway in silence for a long moment and then Cisco shrugged.  "I think Barry'll be fine with it."  Cisco fidgeted with the tool in his hands and for a moment it seemed like he might say something else.  But then he shrugged and when he spoke again, she was quite certain it wasn't what he'd almost said earlier.  "I think he's got his eye on someone else these days anyway."</p><p>"So he's okay after how things ended with Patty?" Caitlin had been concerned, but she never really knew how to ask about that kind of thing.  Barry had broken up with Patty after recovering from his injuries from the fight with Zoom.  Then Patty had nearly shot Mark Mardon, bringing him in after the Christmas snafu.  Barry, as the Flash, had been the one to talk her out of making a terrible mistake.  Afterwards, Patty had left the city before the New Year to obtain a forensic's degree out of state, having decided to become a CSI instead of remaining a detective.  But something had happened when she left town that had left Barry rather unsettled.</p><p>Caitlin strongly suspected that Patty had told Barry she knew he was the Flash, but the only one he'd discussed it with was Cisco.  So it made sense that Cisco would know if Barry had feelings for someone else now.</p><p>"What about you?" Caitlin asked.  "I know things didn't end well with Kendra, but has anyone caught your eye lately?"</p><p>"There's this guy," Cisco admitted with a grin.  "He's cute and he likes me too.  But he's never actually liked another guy before.  So he wants to figure himself out a little before we go on any dates."</p><p>"Well, he'd better treat you right," Caitlin said with a grin.  "I know where the Cold Gun is stashed and I'm not afraid to use it if someone breaks my Cisco's heart."</p><p>Cisco laughed and shook his head.  "Thanks, Caitlin."  He stood up and then pulled her up so that he could hug her.  "Love you too."</p>
<hr/><p>Iris looks up information on ALS during a slow point at work that day.  She'd heard of it before, but never really known what it was.  A progressive neurodegenerative disease with no known cure.  A terrifying specter for Caitlin to have hanging over her head indeed.</p><p>It scares Iris, if she's being honest.  She's already had to live through losing one person she'd wanted to spend the rest of her life with.  If she lets herself fall in love with Caitlin - and she could, so easily - then she could be setting herself up for another devastating loss in the future.  And if Caitlin did develop ALS, would Iris be able to give her the emotional support and stability she'd need as her symptoms developed?  The last thing Iris wants is to follow in her mother's footsteps and run away from a relationship because she's afraid.</p><p>It's not like any relationship comes with guarantees anyway.  If Eddie hadn't... if he hadn't shot himself, then he could have died by now anyway.  Being a detective wasn't a safe job.  Iris had told herself she'd understood that.  But she hadn't, not really.  Not until he was gone.</p><p>Love was dangerous because it made people so vulnerable.  But... Iris thought of tangled hair and sleep glazed brown eyes and knew that, despite the possibility of heartache down the road, she'd regret not taking the risk more than anything.  After all, even knowing how things ended, she could never regret falling in love with Eddie.  Caitlin was worth the risk to Iris' heart.  She was worth every risk.</p><p>Taking out her phone, Iris texted Barry the words "swoopy feelings confirmed" and gets an "I knew it!!!" and "still not telling you who I like yet" back.</p><p>"Whoever he is," Iris muttered, tucking away her phone, "he'd better treat you right if you two start dating."</p>
<hr/><p>Harry goes back to his Earth for a few days and the lab seems quieter without him.  But Jay drops by and asks Caitlin to give him a workup.</p><p>"I haven't been feeling well lately," Jay admits quietly.  "I think it's related to losing my speed."</p><p>She'd given him tests to establish a baseline once before, when he'd first arrived at STAR Labs.  She runs him through the same tests again now and there's definitely... a drop in his physical ability.  He's showing signs of anemia and a host of other mild symptoms that make Caitlin suspect one diagnoses in particular.  And a close look at his cells under a microscope confirm her fears.  He's showing signs of cellular degeneration and, quite likely, multi-organ failure.</p><p>Caitlin starts him on a drug treatment immediately and advises him to get as much rest as possible.  Preferably he'd stay in STAR Labs under her care or go to a hospital where he'd have a whole team of doctors and nurses at his disposal.</p><p>"It's possible if we find your doppelganger on this Earth, we can transfuse his blood into you to help slow the process," Caitlin theorized.  And while she didn't add it out loud, she wondered at the possibility of using Multiplex's remaining tissue and blood samples in Evil Wells' morgue to clone new organs for Jay.  The naive cells were ideal for cloning specific organs - she was fairly certain she knew how to avoid accidentally cloning an entire blank slate this time.  But that assumed they had anything left of Danton Black that was useful, well after a year since the man had died.</p><p>Better not to get Jay's hopes up for now.</p><p>"I'll see if I can track him down," Jay told Caitlin.  "Hopefully I've got a counterpart on this Earth.  Not everyone does." </p>
<hr/><p>"I know it's last minute, but I'm filling in for a coworker who had a family emergency," Iris said.  "I need someone who understands the science to go with me.  Usually I'd take Barry, but I think that might still be awkward.  And, well..." Iris' eyes flicked over Caitlin and made her shiver from the quiet heat of it.  "I'd rather spend time with you tonight."</p><p>Caitlin flushed.  "Fancy party and the announcement of a scientific breakthrough, all while I get to hang on the arm of a talented and beautiful journalist?" she teased.  "Count me in."</p><p>Iris grows flustered at the compliment and Caitlin catches her hands.  She doesn't know what to say, though, and her mouth goes dry.</p><p>"Caitlin..."  Iris took a step forward, closing the distance between them...</p><p>"Hey, Caitlin, I... I am interrupting and I'm sorry and I'll just go now," Cisco spoke in a rush, hurrying back out of the room as fast as he'd arrived.</p><p>Helpless, Caitlin began to giggle and, after a moment, so did Iris.  And Caitlin couldn't help but marvel over how lovely Iris was, smile wide with laughter that reached her eyes and made her practically glow with happiness.</p><p>She's not really sure who bridges that last distance between them.  Maybe it was both of them, drawn inexorably, magnetically together.</p><p>Whatever the answer is, Caitlin doesn't really care.  Because she knows now what Iris' lips feel like against her own.  And it's magical.</p>
<hr/><p>The work function officially becomes a date.  Which might've gone better had the event not been targeted by a meta.</p><p>Caitlin recognizes the Turtle from Cisco's pokedex of potential metas.  Theoretically he sucks the potential energy out of a room causing everyone's awareness of the passage of time to slow to nothing and all movement to cease until the effects wear off.  It looks to those effected like someone impossibly fast stole from them.  It looks to the cameras like everyone froze while the Turtle just swans in at normal speeds and steals as he pleases.</p><p>Including Iris.</p><p>She's there one moment, gorgeous in her royal purple dress one moment and seemingly gone the next.  Caitlin can't breathe for a moment, feeling ice in her chest at the thought of losing someone else she loves.  Barry'll bring Iris back.</p><p>(But Barry didn't bring Ronnie back.  He's powerful but not a god.  And Caitlin knows all too well how the guilt Barry carries for all the people he can't save weighs on him like stones.)</p><p>Frost crawls up Caitlin's fingertips but she doesn't notice until it's melted wetness pressing from her palms against her pale blue dress.  She wonders if she spilled her champagne when she realized Iris was gone and just hadn't noticed, but then puts it out of her mind.  It doesn't matter.</p><p>All that matters is bringing Iris home, safe and sound.</p>
<hr/><p>Iris throws herself in Caitlin's arms, the moment she's free enough to do so.  She came so close to being murdered and her body put on display, like that poor woman.  All she was to the man was a trophy.  Not a person, but a thing.</p><p>All this time, and it turned out her dad was right.  Writing about the Flash from the start had put a target on her back.  Glosson had read her blog and her articles and concluded that she was important to the Flash.  His favorite reporter.</p><p>"Stay with me, tonight?" Caitlin asked softly.  "I just... I want you to be there when I wake up."</p><p>"Yes," Iris told her pulling herself tighter into the other woman's embrace.  "That sounds good."</p><p>She was so much more than the Flash's favorite reporter.  She wasn't a prize to put on display.  Not some trophy to be won.</p><p>She was Iris West.  </p><p>And that made her something special indeed.</p>
<hr/><p>"Hi Wally."  Iris smiled at her brother, who smiled back tentatively.</p><p>"Are you, uh, are you okay?"  He looked nervous.  "I read about the kidnapping..."</p><p>"I'm fine.  Russell Glosson never had a chance to hurt me.  The Flash had me back home with my girlfriend before the midnight."  Iris grinned, added, "I only just started dating her.  Dad doesn't even know yet."</p><p>Wally grinned and relaxed a little in his seat.  "Tell me more, then.  What's her name?  What's she like?"</p><p>Iris held out her phone, to show Wally a picture of Caitlin.  "Her name is Caitlin Snow."</p><p>"Didn't you... interview her about her husband after he died?" Wally asked, frowning thoughtfully.  "Is that how you two met?"</p><p>"No, I first met her because she was Barry's doctor while he was in a coma.  It was right after the accelerator exploded and everyone thought Ronnie was dead, but he actually wasn't.  I... I was falling in love with someone else at the time and didn't get to know her very well."  She paused for a moment, her thoughts straying to Eddie.</p><p>She still missed him.  She'd always miss him.  And Caitlin would always miss Ronnie.  But they'd found something together that soothed some of the aches that time didn't.  She rather thought Eddie, and Ronnie, would approve. </p><p>"His name was Eddie," Iris told Wally.  "Eddie Thawne.  He died the same day Ronnie did, during the singularity event.  Afterwards, Caitlin and I just... gravitated to each other.  We each needed a friend who understood."</p><p>"And now on top of all that you find out your mom isn't dead, but is dying, and you have a younger brother you never knew about."  Wally hesitated a moment, then said, "your life sounds kind of like the plot of a soap opera.  Know anyone who's had amnesia?"</p><p>"Not yet, but at this rate I wouldn't rule it out as a future event," Iris replied.  Then she laughed.  "My life might be completely bizarre, Wally, but I'm glad you're a part of it.  I'm so glad to know you."</p><p>"I'm glad too."</p>
<hr/><p>Harry fidgeted with the file folder nervously.  "Garrick's not around today, is he?" </p><p>Cisco and Caitlin frowned and exchanged glances, each shaking their head.</p><p>"He's checking something out at CCU," Barry added.  "Should be gone all day.  Why?"</p><p>"When Garrick first surfaced as the Flash on my Earth, I did a background check on him.  Someone willing to fight Zoom seemed a little too good to be true and I wanted to make sure that I wasn't going to be backing someone who'd turn around and be worse than the guy we'd just beaten."  Harry put the folder down on the table.  "The initial check came back clean, if a little thin in places.  So I started working with him.  But there was something... familiar about him that I couldn't place.  So after a while, I had a PI do a deeper check on Garrick.</p><p>"But then... but then Zoom took my daughter, Jesse.  And I came here to find allies to fight him."</p><p>"He hasn't asked anything of you, has he?" Cisco asked quietly.</p><p>Harry shook his head.  "Not yet.  But so long as he has her... so long as he keeps her alive, it means Zoom has a use for her.  And the only use I can think of is as leverage against me at some point," Harry conceded.  "But while I was here, I started looking into Garrick again.  Because he said he came to this Earth on the day of the singularity.  But he was sighted several times on my Earth after that.  Before I came here."  Before they knew about the breach within STAR Labs.  </p><p>"Your PI found something, didn't he?" Caitlin knew how Harry'd answer even as she asked the question.  "That's why you went back your Earth.  To check on his progress."</p><p>"He found something.  Disturbing."  Harry put the folder down on the table and flipped it open, twisting it so that the three of them could read the findings.</p><p>Jay Garrick's squeaky clean life was a shallow fabrication.  He had parents that didn't exist, friends who were never real, and employers who couldn't remember ever having the man on their payroll.  The lab he'd supposedly been working on the night the accelerator failed had never been rented by anyone under that name.  No government records of driver's licenses or photo identification cards... his life was bogus.</p><p>But apparently there was someone else who was real.  Hunter Zolomon, who'd witnessed his parents' murder-suicide as a child.  Who'd gone into the foster care system and gone through several different orphanages, at least one of which had later been shut down after an abuse scandal came out.  Zolomon had held a steady job for a while and was considered a nice guy by all who knew him.  Until young women - brunettes in their early thirties, usually - started turning up dead all around town.  And while his later kills were meticulous, Zolomon's early work was sloppy.  He went on the run, rather than be arrested, and the photographs of the man in the folder shifted from clean cut to bedraggled, a mangled beard covering his face.  But even with that beard... the man in the photographs was undeniably the man they knew as Jay Garrick.</p><p>"Zolomon supposedly died in a fire at the asylum where he was being held.  I rather suspect he regretted having his lawyer get him an insanity plea.  Asylums are harder, not easier, to break out of.  And the treatments are... backwards, compared to what your Earth has found.  One of the few areas your Earth has made strides mine hasn't," Harry allowed.  "But that fire didn't kill him.  Instead he rose from the ashes like some demented phoenix.  And I rather suspect, but I can't prove, that he's in league with Zoom."</p><p>"Or he is Zoom," Barry filled in quietly.  </p><p>"They've been sighted in the same place at the same time, though," Harry objected.  "How could he have pulled that off?"</p><p>"Time travel.  I've... I've done it myself.  When the Reverse Flash offered me the chance to go back in time to save my mom... I took it.  And that night... there three of me in that house.  Eleven-year-old me, a future version me, and... the present version of me."  Barry leaned towards Cisco, whose hand had landed on his shoulder in a show of support.  "In the end I didn't change the timeline.  Maybe I should've, but... that future version of me had a reason not to and I just have to hope it was a good one.  Instead, I got to be there for her... before she died."</p><p>Harry swore softly and stood up to throw his chair across the room in a fit of anger.</p><p>"Then what took his speed?" Caitlin asked.</p><p>"Nothing," Cisco said.  "He was lying."</p><p>"No.  I've analyzed his blood several times.  As Jay Garrick, he doesn't have his speed anymore.  And... well I suppose Doctor-Patient privilege goes out the window in this particular case.  He's dying."  Caitlin saw something like comprehension dawning on Harry's face.  "His organ are failing.  Honestly, I'm surprised he isn't degenerating faster than he is, but if he's able to regain his speed during the periods where he's Zoom, then a temporary return of his healing factor may be artificially slowing the process down."</p><p>"Velocity," Harry said, grabbing his chair in order to right it and sit back down.  "I developed a drug called Velocity that was intended to increase Garrick's speed.  To give him an edge over Zoom.  But it was a failure.  It granted test subjects temporary super speed, but it also caused organ failure in the rats too.  Garrick... Zolomon must have thought that his natural connection to the Speed Force would protect him, but Velocity must have poisoned that connection instead.  It would explain why he doesn't have his speed when he's being Garrick but does as Zoom."</p><p>"Because when he needs his speed, he takes another dose of Velocity," Barry filled in, sounding horrified.</p><p>"Then we need to set a trap," Caitlin said, voice turning hard and cold.  She'd trusted that man just like she had Dr. Wells.  And neither Jay nor Harrison had been who they'd seemed to be.  "If we let Jay think we're working on a way to steal Zoom's speed based on... on how, say, the Turtle's powers work, then Zoom will want to use that research to steal Barry's speed for himself.  He might believe that infusing himself with a healthy connection to the Speed Force could burn out the poison from his system and save his life.  Or we have to make him think it'll work like that.  Tell him that if we take Zoom's speed, we can give it to him."</p><p>"If Zoom threatens me in order to get me to steal Allen's speed," Harry filled in, "then we know at the very least that Zolomon and Zoom are working together."</p><p>"He's looking for his doppelganger," Caitlin continued.  "I thought we might use blood transfusions to slow the progress of his illness.  If I call him now..."</p><p>"We can set the trap in the same place we'd intended to trap the Reverse Flash," Cisco offered.  "The we can reprogram Evil Wells' hologram to fill in for Harry and, well... there was never anything wrong with the actual force field emitters.  Once we get him in there, he'll be stuck until the Velocity wears off and his speed is gone."</p><p>"What made you remember to go check in with your PI?" Barry asked.</p><p>Harry hesitated, glancing at Caitlin.  "At Christmas, he asked something of Snow.  She turned him down.  Quite frankly... if any man my daughter said no to looked at her like that afterwards, I'd have killed the bastard."</p><p>Fanning out the pictures of the smiling, beautiful women whom Hunter Zolomon had killed... Caitlin swallowed hard, feeling the temperature drop around her.  Her own picture wouldn't have looked out of place among them.</p>
<hr/><p>It's easy to lie to Jay, knowing how many lies he's told them.</p><p>"Harry's been going through all of Wells' old research," Caitlin told him.  "Or Thawne's research, I suppose.  There was a meta who temporarily stripped Barry's speed from him."  The best lies were mixed with truth, after all.  "When we told Harry about the Turtle, Harry theorized that Glossum's powers were the key to finalizing Thawne's work in removing a speedster's connection to the Speed Force.  He thinks we can take away Zoom's speed.  And... I think that would be the answer to saving you.  If we can transfer Zoom's connection to you, then you'll have a speedster's healing factor again.  It should counteract the organ damage without needing to involve your counterpart on this Earth at all."</p><p>"That's... that's great," Jay lies.  "I'll be back in tomorrow morning, maybe take a look at what Harry and Cisco have got so far.  See if I can help any."</p><p>"Sure.  I'll be out in the morning.  Dentist appointment."  That's not even a lie.  "You'll want to check out one of older labs.  Cisco's lab isn't really set up for this one, so they're using one of Thawne's old spaces."  She gives him the room number.  "I don't think I've seen Harry quite this obsessed.  He'd better not try to sleep in there."</p><p>Hunter laughed and Caitlin hated him just a little bit more for not sounding like a monster.  But then, Eobard Thawne hadn't sounded like one either.  Not until the charade was over.  And even then, he'd been so controlled, so put together, a thin veneer of civility over an irrational burning hatred that Caitlin never would have guessed lay beneath the act.  Zolomon was no different.</p>
<hr/><p>Cisco's plan works.  Late that night, after Cisco appeared to leave for the night and Harry was seemingly all alone.  And the trap was sprung, all their phones lighting up with the alert.</p><p>Caitlin watches on the CCTV as Barry and Harry and Cisco confront their caged nemesis.  The cowl comes off and it's like Jay's whole face transforms from the friendly man they'd thought they knew to this shadowed... hateful visage.  He snarls and snaps and smirks, thinking he can somehow still get out of this mess.  Thinking he'll have the upper hand again if he just waits long enough.</p><p>He asks for her.  There's no audio, but Barry tells her after they leave Zolomon alone in the cage.  She has no intention of speaking to him, though.</p><p>"I have nothing to say to him," she says quietly.  "And nothing he has to say would have any value to me."  She goes home, for real this time, and calls Iris as soon as her front door closes.  In a way, she'd lost a friend today.  A friend who'd never existed.</p><p>Caitlin needs to hear something good.  "Tell me about your day with Wally?" </p><p>"Things went really well.  I told him about you," Iris says, her voice soothing away the hurts in Caitlin's heart.</p>
<hr/><p>While Barry and Cisco help Harry rescue his daughter on Earth-2, Caitlin and Iris tell Joe West that they're dating.</p><p>He takes it well enough for someone who clearly still has his heart set on Barry and Iris getting married one day.</p><p>"Does Barry know?"  Joe asks Iris when he thinks Caitlin can't hear.</p><p>Iris snorted in amusement, "Barry's known I had a thing for Caitlin since December.  And I told him before I asked Caitlin out what I had planed.  Besides, I'm pretty sure we're going to be hearing he's dating someone new soon too, anyway."</p><p>He sighed.  "I just want you to be happy."</p><p>"Then maybe you should start accepting I'm a better judge of what makes me happy than you are," Iris retorts tartly, which Caitlin takes as her cue to walk back into the room so that Joe doesn't respond with anything too unfortunate.</p><p>Joe West never fully accepted Eddie Thawne and he's clearly not really accepting Caitlin right now either.  And Caitlin can live with that; she just hopes for Iris' sake that he'll get over himself eventually.</p>
<hr/><p>Caitlin feels like she blinks.  One minute she's at STAR Labs checking on the status of the breach and the next she's in the sewers, staring up at Grodd.</p><p>And she's tired of this.  Tired of being the damsel in distress, the one everyone else gets hurt or dies to save.  It's like something in her chest just snaps.  The air goes cold and the water trickling around them freezes over.  Frost crawls across the floor and up the walls and along Grodd's fur as the color leeches out of Caitlin's hair and her brown eyes crystalize into an ice-ringed blue.</p><p>"You picked the wrong girl to kidnap," Caitlin tells him and, on instinct, flings her hands forward to create a shower of icicles, some of them even managing to be sharp enough to do damage.  And when Grodd howls and reaches towards her, her head screaming with his rage, she flash freezes his paws and sends him running from her in genuine fear.</p><p>By the time Caitlin makes her way back to STAR Labs and a panicked Iris, Caitlin's hair and eyes have gone back to normal.  But that sense of power still hangs on her and she knows she can call on it again if she needs to.</p><p>They'll still need to find a way to deal with Grodd when the others get back, but Caitlin's not afraid anymore.  </p><p>"Iris, there's something I want to share with you," Caitlin tells her.</p>
<hr/><p>Considering their first date was interrupted by Iris being kidnapped and their second date was preempted by Caitlin being kidnapped, they decide to have their next date be a nice evening in.</p><p>They order Chinese and pour themselves each a glass of wine and then curl up together on Caitlin's couch with an old movie playing on Netflix.  And if Iris is being honest, as much as it took her breath away to see Caitlin all dressed up for the party or how gorgeous Caitlin had looked as she'd shown Iris her powers and frost-touched appearance for the first time, it was moments like this Iris already loved the most.  Both of them wearing comfy clothes and their shoes kicked off and Caitlin's head resting against Iris' shoulder.</p><p>It was moments like this where her friendship with Caitlin helped Iris start to feel whole again.  Where Iris had let herself start imagining her future again.  </p><p>"What's your opinion on mini-golf?" Caitlin asked sleepily, sitting up to take one last sip from her near-empty glass.</p><p>"It's been too long since I last did it, but I'd rather wait a little longer so that we're not out on the course in coats.  Something about winter coats always throws off my aim," Iris said, finishing off the last of her own glass before coaxing Caitlin to curl back up against her.</p><p>"There's a new mini-golf place going in nearby.  Adventure Landing or something like that," Caitlin said.  "Batting cages and go kart racing too.  Thought maybe when Barry and Cisco finally admit they're dating we could do a double date there."</p><p>Iris chuckled in amusement.  "That's a great idea."  She paused and then added, "there's a murder mystery dinner theater I thought might be fun for us to do."</p><p>"I've always wanted to do one of those."  Caitlin smiled and Iris could feel the grin against her collar right before a kiss was planted there.  "When are the showings?"</p><p>Snagging her phone off the table without jostling Caitlin - who teased Iris with another kiss, slightly higher up along her neck this time - was a pain, but Iris managed it, flushing with heat at the feeling of Caitlin's lips brushing her skin.  She pulled up the site and, together, they arranged for tickets.</p><p>And then Caitlin's mouth brushed along Iris' ear... "Ready for bed?" she asked teasingly.</p><p>Iris turned and met Caitlin's lips with her own in a passionate kiss.  "Very," she muttered, standing up and pulling the other woman with her.  </p>
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